Everybody has 'em and boy do mine stink!
So, where to begin?
How about at the beginning and work from there?
I was born...
OK. Let us take it from last post. Last post I had a miserable day. I went out for mock half iron and sucked on the swim, sucked on the bike and died on the run.
Everyone suggested taking time to taper and reevaluate the nutrition.
Honestly, I think everyone was right. So I took a mock taper.
I say mock because I still ran a level 4 (maybe 5) run but other than that, it was easy. Come the weekend and the Kokopelli Olympic.
This was my third and final Oly of the year and after all the training for the half, it really felt insignificant. I wanted it to be an A race, but I couldn't get my head around that. I was lucky to even consider it a C race.
Needless to say….the race sucked!!
After 5 months of hard training. 5 months of kicking the crap out of me and my body. 5 months of doing Olympic level bricks, rides, and runs, my performance was (almost) exactly the same as before!
DFL!!
Just to recap, the last time I was at this venue, there were hurricane like conditions, so bad that they cancelled the swim (after I was already in), and I felt like I was fighting in the ocean. After I struggled through the swim, it was onto the bike and by then I was exhausted. Finally, it was onto the run, my knees started acting up, and I had to walk most of the 6 miles!
All that easily made for a great excuse! I was OK being DFL.
This time?
Perfect weather! Like P-E-R-F-E-C-T!
There is no excuse. My swim? Actually not too bad. Then the bike, started off bad and downhill from there. I just had no pop no energy. Flash backs of my last post. I felt defeated and I was only 2 miles into this.
What has happened to me?
Finally, I was onto the run. And the flashbacks hit full force. I couldn’t run. Nothing! When I was running, it was an easy smooth 10 min pace. I felt like I could hold this forever no problem. 5 seconds later I would be walking. No clue what happened. Body said, “OK, walk now” and that was it.
End result? Almost the exact same time as last year! Both the bike and the run were within minutes of last years times. My only redeeming quality was my swim. This time there was no hurricane. There was no knee pain, this time should have been perfect.
What has happened to me?
All the training is for not!
All this effort and I am just as pathetic as when I started. I am utterly defeated. I want to give it up. Give the rest of the season up. Give up all the Half’s I have planned. Give up on CDA. Give it all up.
Maybe take up knitting. Something competitive that I can win at. Maybe eating? Or power napping?
Whatever, but not Tri. I am D-O-N-E!
What has happened to me?
Excuse #1
The few days prior my body was fighting a cold and it seemed that on race day my body gave up the fight and the cold hit full force.
Excuse #2
Somehow, my nutrition is still out of whack.
Excuse #3
I still need to rest. I didn’t really taper and my body is still feeling it.
Excuse #4
I can’t shake the failure of last time. It’s in my mind and I can’t get away from it.
Yeah, yeah yeah! Whatever!
The truth is…I don’t know. Perhaps I just suck. Maybe it’s time to recognize it. Either accept it and move on or accept it and move forward. Maybe.
Which brings me to now. Now is the Las Vegas Half-ironman.
This is on the same course as the mock ironman. Same swim, same bike, same run. I didn’t make it through last time.
I am nervous.
I’ve been forced to taper this whole week as I’ve been so sick that I’ve been coughing up lungs everywhere. I’ve been popping vitamin C and B like its going out of style and I am STILL sick. Still sick!
I am nervous.
I haven’t run or bike or done anything in a week. Nothing. I haven’t run anything over 6 miles or bike over 24 in two weeks. And the last time I did, it was a flop.
I am NERVOUS.
So here I be.
I’m full of nervousness and full of excuses.
I can easily not race tomorrow. I REALLY am sick. I really have no energy. I really don’t feel like I should be racing.
But I REALLY think that it’s because I’m scared. I'm scared of last time. I’m scared for this time. I’m scared for CDA time.
I’m scared that I suck and that its time to move on.
Full of nerves and full of excuses.
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11 comments:
Hang in there!
There's still plenty of time before CDA to get healthy and happy with your training.
Hope you feel better, too.
After a rough start this morning...I dont think Izaac has anymore lungs to cough up!! We made it to the start.
He is through the swim and somewhere on the bike right now!
~Kelly
Keep going Izaac!! Being sick really does screw things up!!! I hope you have a good race - enjoy it for the accomplishment.
All this is easier said than done. I know because I SUCK too. This isn't an easy sport, but it is one that makes me feel proud when I do good, and one that wipes me out on a bad day. Keep the faith, keep the optimism!
Hooe you feel better soon.
It was good seeing you out there today at the start.
I look forward to reading about your first half, the good, the bad and the ugly (if there is any).
Go Izaac go!! I am so glad you are out there. Have a great race and run down those demons! Thank you for the update Kelly!
Per this entry:
I know how you feel and I think I know why you feel that way.
I mean this is the kindest way I can muster (and you know I am generally not all that kind) I think you are a little over trained, my friend.
Give your body a break. Don't push so hard. I am prone to long periods of laziness where I will only run because that is the sport I like and I find a million excuses to not swim or bike.
You, on the other hand, talk yourself out of resting at all and now your body is saying, STOP. I think you need to reevaluate your rest schedule. (Sorry, that sounds WAY preachy-er than I intended)
You are doing awesome and you are going to be so prepared for IMCdA, but if you burn yourself out in January it makes for a long run to June 21st.
By the way, you can't be last at IM CdA, God willing it will be me.That is, if I get my ass in the water and on the bike, otherwise I will be on the sidelines after my DNF, watching you finish, thinking damn wish I trained as hard as Izaac.
You rock! Go get 'em today!
Oh, sorry I'm late to wish you luck on your half. However it went, you have PLENTY of time to prepare for CDA. Get well soon!
Dude, harsh. Even a little illness can really wipe you out. It can be hard to find your place in this sport but I can tell you that you have a place and the sport, at least for me, wouldn't be the same without you.
Stop talking about my triathlon blogging buddy like that!! Right now!!!
I think being sick is a huge factor. Don't give up triathlon - we'd all miss you :( And, you know it's all about us ;)
Oh, and the thing about taking up knitting, power napping, etc..(funny btw!) When I told our boys that I placed last in my age group yesterday, they said...why don't you try a new hobby?
EVERYBODY's scared of the Ironman - fear is a great motivator for training. Keep your head up, and keep moving forward in baby steps. There's a lot of time to get where you want to be.
Stay positive, stay focused, and keep training!
Dude - thanks for sharing - really. I hope it went better than you thought. I can't wait to hear about it.
dude dont even think about stepping out of Tris!! thats How I met you, remember?
dont make me come back and take you out to red rock!!!!
being sick can really take a person out and take a time to recover. Dont beat yourself up!
You can totally Do IMCdA. You have plenty of time this winter.
You should come out and do LA Marathon with me, like I did last year for CdA.
hang in there or else !!!!
rockon`
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