Wednesday, March 11, 2009

My date with Mary – Red Rock Marathon Report

I know I said I’d right the report for the last marathon, but you know how after a while you forget what the whole experience was like??

Well, that’s how I felt about the marathon. I remember running for a long time. I remember it was hard. But everything is kind a blur (my mind has blocked out the horrible experience).

So…what’s the best way to remember something? DO IT AGAIN!

Red Rock Marathon

Take a look at this profile:

That is the most climbing I hope to ever see.

To start out this story I need to confess that Mrs. Mary (marathon) and I haven’t been the best of friends.

Usually before one attempts to ‘mount’ Mrs. Mary, there is a little courting that goes first.

You do a few practice runs. Getting close to Mary but never quite touching her. Getting the body used to the feel of Mary, how hard she can be, where is she soft and you’re hard.

You know…get a ‘lay of the land’.

Also, there are some basic ground rules when courting Mary.
  • Don’t try anything new. Once you’ve established your routine and Mary likes it, don’t vary from it!

  • Don’t get new clothes. If Mary likes what you’re wearing now, then don’t change it!

But this here buckaroo went the exact opposite approach.

  • My last long run? The last marathon. Over 60+ days ago. Since then the longest run has been 9 miles.
  • New Clothes? Sure, why not? Might as well get new shoes, right? I mean what better time than the week before the bid date with Mary.
  • Something new? What is all the gels and water? I've only been doing 9 miles, so my body isn't use to all these fluids at every mile

Needless to say, when it came time for my fling with Mary, I was woefully underprepared.

The event started out awesome! During packet pick-up, the RD held a drawing for lots of little prizes. My name came up and I won a big fat bottle of Hammer Gel. Sweet!

Came race day the morning was so freaking cold. We all huddled together under the propane heaters exchanging war stories.

Most of the war stories are about the coldest race they’ve ever done, or the strangest race, etc.

One question is asked “how much longer does this time add to your marathon?”

It’s a very interesting question, one that Las Vegas events seem to get a lot. They say that a Silverman time is really an Ironman time +2 hrs, meaning that Silverman is two hours tougher than ironman. Where it’s true or not, I don’t know, but I like the idea of it!

Once our date with Mary officially began, it was a slight downhill. "Hmm, I think I might like Mary!"

However, the luv was short lived. Once we started to hit the hills and began climbing, I had the dubious pleasure of feeling an ache in the bottom of my foot. I am only at mile 4 and I already feel my foot! Not a good sign.

By mile 10, I am in new territory with Mary. I have gone farther with Mary than I have been in the last two months. “I have that fluttering feeling in my stomach”

The next few miles are all downhill (yes, the next FEW MILES), so I am just floating along. At this moment, I think I am in LUV with Mary. So nice and easy to get along with. HEAVEN!

Unfortunately, it must have been something I said, because Mary decided to show me her ugly side.

Now I have those same few miles uphill (yes a few miles UPHILL).

UGhh! I have the feeling that I am on a BAD date! You know the time when your date does something so obnoxious that it makes you regret agreeing to go on the date in the first place? That is where I am at this moment.

By the time I reach the top of the hill, I am d-o-n-e with my date!

You know when the date has gone so bad that you are willing to fake illness to get out? You just want out! It’s at this moment that you realize that your stuck, you have no car and you’re out in the middle of nowhere without a way home. In the back of your mind, you're thinking of how you can convince your friends to come pick you up while you ‘step out to use the bathroom’??

I was there!

By the time I reach the bottom of the hill, I am willing to give up any goal as long as I can finish NOW!

Another runner obviously feels the same “I usually wait until mile 21 to start bargaining with the devil, I started bargaining at mile 15 and now I am just giving stuff away!”

Now I should be happy. This date is almost over, we are paying the bill. It’s almost over! YEAH! Except, I am not. I just want to be done. I don’t care about finishing. I don’t care about anything. I just want to be home, in bed, eating bonbons!

But Mary isn’t done with me yet, not without a good-bye kiss.

I am within spitting distance of the finish line, which of course is uphill, and I couldn’t care less about running. My feet have long ago mercifully gone numb, but there is no drive in me. I can’t imagine running. I look around at my fellow runners and most are the same way. We are DONE.

Everyone is agreement; Mary is a b-i-t-c-h!



Now that my fling with Mary is over and I am no longer walking funny, I have to say that I enjoyed my time.

I had a good time with Mary, I would have loved to had a GREAT time but...

It turns out that Mary didn't mind my shoes all that much after all. No blisters, no dead nails. All in all I fared quiet well.

My only complaint is my balls(of my feet). They hurt so bad, I was walking funny for days.

I suppose that is supposed to happen. I mean you try doing Mary for 5 hours and see if your balls(of your feet) hurt!

I hope that in the future, I'll respect Mary a little more. Give her the kindness and patience that she deserves. A little more courting , if you will.

It's scary to think that the next time I'll be with Mary will be at the end of a threesome!


SWTrigal said...

Dude that is a great time!!!Congratulations..

Stef0115 said...

OMG this is hilarious!!!!!!! Nice report and great time on those hills!

Borsch said...

Nice report! What a strong showing on the course that would kill most!

I hope your balls (of your feet) feel better! That was great!

ps. P90X fell by the wayside for running, biking and attempting to swim. I'm still doing the abs and yoga every once in a while but not much of everything else. Starting grad school tomorrow doesn't help either, I'm going to have time for nothing!

Anyway, if you are wondering where your DVD's are...they were 'returned to sender'. Like an idiot I wrote the wrong address. They should be back on their way.

Calyx Meredith said...

Woo hoo! That's a great time! And that course profile? Let's just say your Mary has interesting knockers. ;)

Unknown said...

Ok, that was just a great post. Bravo!

...and good luck with your threesome.

Bigun said...

Doh! You just went under 99 days until CDA!

ShirleyPerly said...

Yikes, that elevation profile is scary. I think you did well to finish in 5 hours and some change. What a date!!

RBR said...

Is it wrong that your race report made me all tingly?

Freaking awesome time with some killer hills, but seriously dud could you give me just one sport of the three or do you have to kick my ass in all of them at CdA?

It was so great meeting you Saturday! Sorry it was under such interesting circumstances! We must spend more time to chat before or after Rage.

The Stretch Doc said...

.. and this guy says he's not fast!
now I gotta run faster and swim faster oh wait and bike faster too!!

shoot, im moving back to Cali..oh wait, NOT.. Houston!! yeah thats it. LOL..

Nice job bro on the PR!!