Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The joys of mediocrity

The workout was simple, an hour hard on the trainer followed by a hard 3 miles. Burn the body into the ground, because after all the Jack in the Box burgers, I deserved a little burning.

But I wasn’t feeling it. After a miserable day at the office, the last thing I wanted to do was push hard. The burgers were settling in and I could feel the metamorphosis of burger fat to human fat taking place. Why not take the easy route and let the process take place without struggle?

After much hemming and hawing and secret deals and broken promises, I finally found myself on the trainer. I hoped and prayed that after a few minutes I would feel good and feel ready. And true to exercise form, I did. I felt good and was actually having a great ride. Perfect pacing and I was sweating bullets. Reach down for my water and realize that I forgot to get water. No problem, hop off, pause the workout and get me some aqua. Only as soon as I was off the bike, my energy level plummeted. I was done. I could not get back on the bike. Give it a few minutes to recharge right? Nada. If anything the sugar rush had officially worn off and now I was lethargic and fat all over again. On top of that I felt even worse, because not only had I not gotten the work out done, I only got 1/3 of the workout done.

Epic fail.

Who cares if I had a great 30 minutes? Who cares if it was 30 minutes more than I was afraid was going to happen. Who cares?

Not me. All I am left with is a feeling of failure. I couldn’t even buck up for a full hour. I suck. I am so tired of sucking. I am just so tired of being average. I am tired of failing to rise above the typical and achieve greatness. I am tired of being mediocre.

Mediocre is exactly it. I am not fast, my endurance is at an all time low and apparently, I have zero mental discipline. I feel pathetic. I am pathetic.

I have found that after Ironman, everything seems meaningless. Who cares if I can run 3 miles? I used to run 10 miles as my first workout of the day with 2 more workouts to follow. Swam for 30 minutes? IM training had me in the pool of hours.

Everything pales in comparison.

Ultra running was different. In training for an ultra, I would run a marathon and keep going. A full 26 miles was not something that was the end, it was the middle point. Again, I felt like I was doing something.

Yet even then, I would be struck with my mediocrity. Yes I finished 140.6 miles. But I am slow. After 3 tries my times are no were near fast. After this last IM, I realized that even on my best day and everything lined up perfectly and I was strong throughout that I could not beat 12 hours. Hell, I will probably never even see 12 hours. Realistically, 13 hours is probably the best I will ever get and that is with several years of training. 13 hours? 13? People do better than 13 on their first try. They just learned how to swim one month ago and they beat 13 hours. The blog world is full of people who lament that they had a bad day with 3 flats and bad cramps and have to walk the entire marathon and they STILL BEAT 13 HOURS! Let’s face it, maybe IM is not my thing.

Ultra? One would think that since the top 50% of ultra finishers complete an ultra with a 12-15 minute pace and since I happen to run an IM marathon at around that pace, that it would be a perfect fit, right? Nope, it turns out that while it looks good on paper, the reality is something much slower. My 12-15 translates to a much slower 15-17 minute pace. Again, I am regaled with the back of the pack.

That’s fine, I am not complaining about that. Except I am…

I am tired of being the back of the pack. I am tired of being “happy for the accomplishment”. I am tired of beating my mind silly with the “Even attempting to try equals success” and “You are doing more than most people in the world are”. Great! Most of the world is not doing this, but I have the sneaky suspicion that if they entire world would spontaneously go out and do this; I would be at the back of the pack all over again.

Now serving number: 4,591,834,140!

So if I am so tired of being last or near last, then get off my ass and do something right? Right! Only that leads me to here. Sitting on my fat ass (getting fatter every second) while I feel sorry for myself for not having the chutzpah to pedal myself into the ground.

Even my backup plan is mediocre. This post is a prime example of why I don’t post. It’s lame. It’s long winded and not even an iota of funny. Originally, I started the blog in hopes that my creative writer skills would come flowing out, or my comedic talent would garner instant likeability in the blogosphere. More than a year later and not only do I not feel like a world class writer, I am now acutely aware of that fact. One more fantasy to scratch off the list. Everyone talks about wanting to write their lives story, but they are afraid of having nothing to write and no one to read it. I am happy to say that I have been blessed enough to make that nightmare come true.

Is there a point to this post? Like the origins of this blog, it was started with the best of intentions. Maybe it was just to get the feelings off my chest or maybe because typing seems more therapeutic then screaming. Somehow in all the rambling the point got lost and all that remains is a meandering tale of depression. Is there a point to this blog? I am not sure. Perhaps as a kind of measuring stick. “You think your life sucks, well look at this blog” or maybe as a way to get your kids to eat their vegetables and scare them into doing those 1 mile repeats. “KIDS! Finish your workout or you’ll end up just like me!”

9 comments:

Dave said...

Have you thought about taking some time off of long distance and focusing on speed at shorter distances? That's sort of my goal right now, and it's been surprisingly fun. Maybe not as "epic", but more small goals to reach.

JohnnyTri said...

yahoo I am just happy you posted something!!!

I agree with Dave, enjoy those shorter faster distance and focus your training there. it may be easier to put together with the family and still enjoy the races.

either way you still have the faster IM time, punk!

rockon'

Silentwhisper1 said...

Hard on yourself?

Just a thought.

Keep-it-real-keep-it-simple.
Your simple:)

hapi said...

Hi Formulaic, Nice blog! How to add the Glitter Effect Mouse Pointer to your Blog

RBR said...

Buck up! I mean, thanks to your last commentor you now know how to add a glitter effect to your mouse cursor!

:)

I have had very similar thoughts as of late about my own life, "training", "accomplishments", and my writing and my blog. But your post, while you think that it is about nothing, is an example of what I love about this community we call the blogosphere. It is a way of connecting with people and seeing that I am not the only one that feels that way/acts like that/thinks those things/likes those things.

I, as always, adore you! I think you need to come run with me. The benefits are manyfold: 1. You get to hang out with me, duh! 2. You get to feel like you are fast as fuck, which I will agree is not always a good thing, but I digress.... 3. you get to remember that this is a hobby. No one is paying you do do this shit. It is supposed to be fun. Your gorgeous wife and your beautiful son are your real life and what really matters.

I am serious. pick something this summer or fall. I don't care if it is a fucking 5k (really you have less wait time that way...) I have been needing a reason to go see the treeless hell that is Nevada in the summer!

And above all, be nice to my friend, Form, he is good people. :)

Mandie said...

Hi, I came across your site and wasn’t able to get an email address to contact you. Would you please consider adding a link to my website on your page. Please email me back.

Thanks!

Mandie Hayes
mandie.hayes10@gmail.com

arthur wiggins said...

Preseverance!

otr said...

Is Your VIRUS REMOVAL
Computer Sluggish or Plagued With a Virus? – If So you Need Online Tech Repairs
As a leader in online computer repair, Online Tech Repairs Inc has the experience to deliver professional system optimization and virus removal.Headquartered in Great Neck, New York our certified technicians have been providing online computer repair and virus removal for customers around the world since 2004.
Our three step system is easy to use; and provides you a safe, unobtrusive, and cost effective alternative to your computer service needs. By using state-of-the-art technology our computer experts can diagnose, and repair your computer system through the internet, no matter where you are.
Our technician will guide you through the installation of Online Tech Repair Inc secure software. This software allows your dedicated computer expert to see and operate your computer just as if he was in the room with you. That means you don't have to unplug everything and bring it to our shop, or have a stranger tramping through your home.
From our remote location the Online Tech Repairs.com expert can handle any computer issue you want addressed, like:
• - System Optimization
• - How it works Software Installations or Upgrades
• - How it works Virus Removal
• - How it works Home Network Set-ups
Just to name a few.
If you are unsure of what the problem may be, that is okay. We can run a complete diagnostic on your system and fix the problems we encounter. When we are done our software is removed; leaving you with a safe, secure and properly functioning system. The whole process usually takes less than an hour. You probably couldn't even get your computer to your local repair shop that fast!
Call us now for a FREE COMPUTER DIAGONISTIC using DISCOUNT CODE (otr214427@gmail.com) on +1-914-613-3786 or chat with us on www.onlinetechrepairs.com

otr said...

Problem: HP Printer not connecting to my laptop.
I had an issue while connecting my 2 year old HP printer to my brother's laptop that I had borrowed for starting my own business. I used a quick google search to fix the problem but that did not help me.
I then decided to get professional help to solve my problem. After having received many quotations from various companies, i decided to go ahead with Online Tech Repair (www.onlinetechrepairs.com).
Reasons I chose them over the others:
1) They were extremely friendly and patient with me during my initial discussions and responded promptly to my request.
2) Their prices were extremely reasonable.
3) They were ready and willing to walk me through the entire process step by step and were on call with me till i got it fixed.
How did they do it
1) They first asked me to state my problem clearly and asked me a few questions. This was done to detect any physical connectivity issues with the printer.
2) After having answered this, they confirmed that the printer and the laptop were functioning correctly.
3) They then, asked me if they could access my laptop remotely to troubleshoot the problem and fix it. I agreed.
4) One of the tech support executives accessed my laptop and started troubleshooting.
5) I sat back and watched as the tech support executive was navigating my laptop to spot the issue. The issue was fixed.
6) I was told that it was due to an older version of the driver that had been installed.
My Experience
I loved the entire friendly conversation that took place with them. They understood my needs clearly and acted upon the solution immediately. Being a technical noob,

sometimes find it difficult to communicate with tech support teams. It was a very different experience with the guys at Online Tech Repairs. You can check out their website www.onlinetechrepairs.com or call them on 1-914-613-3786.
Would definitely recommend this service to anyone who needs help fixing their computers.
Thanks a ton guys. Great Job....!!